Another Monday Bus
here it is another monday, and the monotony of it all is reason enough to pluck my limbs off. what is it that i am so miserable about? what is it that i so desperately want that seems so far out of reach? and when the hell am i gonna figure it out?
i seem to have this gift of being able to tolerate that which makes me miserable with a tenacity that's rarely found. how many people actually hate their lives this much? i just feel like that hamster spinning in a cage. each new idea, which i think will set me free, only ends me back in that wheel, spinning furiously. like i think i could get out. ha
am i the last of generation X? the lost generation. the raging ones? everyone else seems to have settled sickeningly into a blissful experience of money and love. time to face the music. maybe i just don't get those. EVER. i mean, when billy sings "i'm still just a rat in a cage", is there anyone left who feels like this is their life's anthem?
my life seems to lack so much. money. love. friends. joy. occupation i like.
basically it's the same old senario. i feel alone. like i've been sentenced to this lonely existence- to walk the planet alone. everytime i turn around, i'm alone. and i'm sick to death of it, thank you. sick of vacationing alone, going to movies by myself. of sleeping alone. of feeling alone in a group of people. sick of the phone never ringing. of going on vacation for 5 days and coming home to no phone calls and no emails. i guess i just need to feel like someone in the world cares that i exist. and i need to do something that is useful. that matters. that i enjoy. how hard is that? plenty hard, i guess.
i just feel like a total misfit. like i slipped into some in between universe, where i'm neither here nor there, but hopelessly out of place. i'm supposed to be working, and all i can think about is medicating myself with a temporary feel good of a mocha frappuchino. it's getting harder and harder to push these papers around. it's meaningless. stale. confining. yet it feeds me. nice delima.
1 Comments:
Hey fellow bus-passenger....
Welcome to Bloggovia! :P
I'm adding you to my Blogroll, because...well, who the hell else SHOULD I add to my blogroll, if not you? I mean, seriously.
But I'm going to have a very, very difficult time not referring to you by name--or even nickname!! damn pseudonyms, anyway....
By the way, Tech Support is just another friendly feature of SWR, so feel free to ask me where I got the cute little adopt-a-cat on my blog, and how to install one of your own. I mean, girl, this blog SERIOUSLY needs a k-word.
More soon, and get off the bus!
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