Ani, my sweet hope

We all find courage in different places. Who knew that I would find mine in a Redwood Tree named Anastasia? You see, that tree taught me more about courage than I think I will ever find out there in the world. Dangling from a rope the size of a quarter, 100 feet in the air, you start to get some perspective.

I’d gone to Humboldt county to follow in the footsteps of my hero, Julia Butterly. Her story touched me, inspired me, stirred up every molecule of my being that was wasting away in an office everyday. She believed so strongly in protecting these trees that she put her own body in harm’s way and gave up her life to take up residence in a tree for 2 years. What nobler a cause could there be?

At any rate, what began as a story of a wacky environmentalist some years ago became a recurring whisper in my ear. When it escalated to a constant roar in my head, I had to go see what all the fuss was about. After all, I’d never even seen these trees, these ancient giants.

Tree sitters, or forest defenders, if you will, get a bad rap. They are labeled escapists- misfits of society who can’t get along in the world. Some believe they are too lazy or weak to be successful so they rabble rouse or rebel. What an unfortunate stereotype. The folks I encountered had to be the most hospitable, bravest, wisest, most amazing people I’ve ever met. It takes a kind of fortitude that most can only imagine to live high up in a tree. As if the loneliness, isolation and the elements of the harsh Northern Pacific aren’t enough to contend with, there are the threats and harassment of loggers, and the very real danger of bodily harm. How many people do we run into everyday who believe so strongly in their convictions that they are willing to put their own life on the line? If everyone’s actions matched so truly their words, we would live in a beautifully different world.

But I was talking about courage here and the lesson I learned from a very special tree. Anastasia sits on stretch of land, owned by Pacific Lumber. Standing for hundreds of years, this tree has withstood winds, rains, storms, and all kinds of climate changes through the years without faltering. What a mighty symbol of strength- an ancient tree, who has lived longer than most of us on the planet. And yet, in the hands of a greedy unethical company, this tree, so mighty and strong, is slated to fall. Like her surrounding counterparts, she is a vital part of the very fragile forest ecosystem, a habitat for hundreds of wildlife, and a provider of oxygen for our planet; yet she desperately needs the protection of the brave few who show up in her defense.

I didn’t know what was calling me away from my los angeles desk job, but I came up to immerse myself in this life and death battle that was going on hundreds of miles away, high up in the redwoods. And so it was that I came to stay with some tree sitters. I hiked through the gorgeous intact forest, breathed in the sweet smell of the trees, and felt the soft, untouched forest floor beneath my feet. Watching the tree sitters scramble up and down the hundred foot trees with a childlike glee and fearlessness, traverse between ropes dangling high up in the air, and operating heavy duty climbing gear like one would tie a shoe, all with bare feet and a carefree attitude, I was amazed at their fearlessness- the absolute simplicity and boundlessness with which they lived their lives! I had to climb a tree. Having no climbing experience and only a few impromtu lesions, I stood at the base of Anastasia, my heart pounding, terrified out of my mind. I can never thank Prana enough, the gracious soul who, knowing I was about to leave town without having climbed a tree, insisted to me that day, ‘let’s go climb a tree’. She sat patiently watching me pull my usual ‘I can’t do this.’ routine. And I wanted to quit, to come back down; what I’ve always done when the going gets rough. But every time I said, ‘ I can’t’, she said, ‘yes you can’. And then she said the most profound thing to me that I think anyone has ever said to me. She said, “you’re conquering your fear.” I said, “No I’m not! I’m scared to death. I’m just doing it anyway”. And do you know what she said? “Same thing”. And in that moment, I learned what courage, real courage, is.
I understood what Mark Twain meant, when he said, ‘courage is not the absence of fear, just the resistance to it’

You see, someone could’ve told me that. And in fact, I’d read that quote many times before without it hitting home. I had to experience it to understand it. I had to be dangling from a tiny little rope, striving for a platform 100 ft in the air, so high up that I couldn’t even see the origin of the rope that was supporting my body weight or the platform which was my target through all the branches. All I know is that each step up brought a whole new realm of terror. My body trembled, my breaths grew deep and quickly, thoughts raced through my mind, and I was paralyzed with fear. My mind was screaming at me- ‘what are you doing? Do you realize your life is dangling from a tiny little rope? Are you insane?’
After every step or 2, I would lie back in my harness and lean against Anastasia to rest from exhaustion, to gear up the courage for another step up, or cry in fear. At some point, I got high enough up that it was just as scary to turn around and climb down. And so it was-one step at a time. I didn’t think too far ahead. I only thought about the next step. I concentrated on this symbol of courage, this magnificent tree in front of me and wrapped my arms around her branches at every opportunity. As I said before, each step up brought a new realization in terror, that I was high enough that a mishap could be disastrous. Yet at the same time, each step up catapulted me into an even better, more amazing view of the forest. (what a great analogy for life). So although I was terrified out of my mind, I was also captivated and exhilarated beyond my wildest imagination. Combine that with the adrenaline and every fiber of your being working to it’s utmost capacity, and you’ve got one wild rush! By the time I reached the platform, I was shaking as much as the wobbly platform underneath me, but the view was spectacular! Now, if you questioned me then, I would not have used the word fun to describe the experience, but when I got back down on the ground, I was on a high like I can’t even describe for days! My legs shook for hours. And I know now, that experience was the highlight of my life. I went beyond what I thought I could ever do, what I thought possible. I transcended fear on the biggest scale. I learned the greatest lesson of courage from the wisdom of Prana, and from the example of that brave, mighty tree, named Anastasia. And for that, they will always hold a dearest place in my heart. Thank you, thank you. A million times, thank you.
Be brave in all you do. Look for lessons everywhere you go. And stand for what is right with all your body and all your soul.