the Burn

man,
i had no idea this burningman thing would be so huge
i've heard so many people refer to it as this great spiritual experience
i was freaked out when i read the packing list- christ
and i've spent all month packing and buying shit
had no idea it would be this expensive or time consuming
but in the last 2 weeks, the freak has been replaced by excitement
i've got a taste of this community, and they rock!
if you need something, someone is there- willing to help; nice people looking out for each other
how amazing

and frankly, a week without a computer- PARADISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no cell phone, coomputer or money. the 3 things that seem to bug me the most

god, it'll be sooooo cool - no money. to barter for everything
i printed out quotes on laminated cards to give out as fortunes

i'm excited
part of me thinks maybe here are my people
we'll see

what i didn't expect is what's been going on in my mind
i wrote my mom this letter that was like , 'ok, i give up. what WAS it that made my brother the golden child? and why did you resent me'? and surprisingly, she didn't get mad

apparently people bring momentos and stuff to burn in the big fire
so i think i am going to write a letter to my mom - a resolution letter- a 'i didn't get what i needed from you as a mother and i've been really angry, but i have to let this go to move on with my life' letter. and another momento of ....... something else to put behind me (contents have been edited for privacy reasons)

would be cool if this were really another turningpoint for me
a way to really put the past behind me and start a new future

~firefly