A Spark

talked to my lifecoach yesterday
yes, i know, how very la
but according to my mother, the 'nuts and flakes' live out here. and since i'm 'bohemian', ca suits me well
oy!
but i digress

i was talking to my coach yesterday and relaying how my mediation tape referenced a redwood tree, and that reminded me of climbing Ani, which led to writing that article, which led to me emailing shunka to ask him if she was still standing, and how that re-ignited some spark in my spirit

"i belong with the hippies", i told her

not that arcata screamed out to me as the place i want to settle, but the community.... the people...
i had more community there in 3 days then i've been able to muster up here in 6 years.

recently i've felt all nostalgic for the place where i belong;
for HOME
only i've haven't found that place yet
so i'm nostalgic for something i've never even known

i've been saying to the universe lately,
"i want to go home"
and hoping that somebody out there somewhere knows where that is, because i haven't figured it out yet

but in telling my coach that i belonged with the hippies, that was in fact a victory. claiming that free-spirt side of me, who i know to be my true self. and telling my virgo child, sorry girl, you are who my parents wanted me to be; not who i really am, and you're just gonna have to back off cuz i'm not letting you hold me down anymore.

and so she told me to surround myself with people who's energy inspires me
people who are up to big things. people who will nourish my dreams

aaah.. what a thought
i felt better already

immediately, i had someone in mind
due to some quirk of fate, much like my own, she is here,
in this land of tinsel town, where your value is assigned not by who you are, but by the name on your accessory bag.
it's crystal to everyone, probably even herself on some level, that she belongs in humboldt county. she is of the very same make up of the tree sitters there. brave. defiant, passionate, free-spirited and not for sale.... here in la she is a fish out of water. and i know her heart aches to be away from where she knows she belongs. but she's doing probably more good here. la needs fired up, passionate, educated people to fight for causes most are too bubbled headed here to care about.

and thank god for me
being around her and all she's up to brings me a little piece of home. a little piece of where i belong among everyone else here who all seem to be as fake as the person i pretend to be on a daily basis.

if she were a cute guy, i'd marry her. her energy sets me on fire
i feel so alive around her. her spirit so matches the childlike likeness of mine
she's got such a young spirit. i know on some level, she still believes in fairy tales.
we talked about driving up to see the trees. and this time, she sounded even more interested

so i called her up and felt so alive and happy for the first time in, god, months.

happy like i forgot i was even capable of anymore.

and i was home, in the energy of who i am, if only for a brief shining moment.