tired

blorg

i feel nauseous, lightheaded
in my typical hypocondriac nature, i've convinced myself that i have a brain tumor
lovely
why can't everything just be fine?
it's like a drama vacuum.
when stuff is too quiet, i have to create chaos
ugh

i'm tired of it
tired of running around chasing after my tail in a million directions
completely exhausted from trying to 'figure-my-life-out'
can't do it anymore

tired of the unrelenting emptiness
the black hole that i can never seem to fill

i must quote my all time favorite show here
the one that saved my life as a teenager in the 80s
"nothing fills you up. nothing makes you feel ok"

i'm so half past quit
isn't there a way to just lie in the park and just exist?
or a beach in the bahamas?
maybe i could seek out a deserted island and learn to fish?
i'm tired