Labotomy Please

i need help
i need someone to tell me what choices to make on an hourly basis
really
pitiful

it's like a fucking episode of groundhog day
i keep getting up and doing the same thing day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day
i can't stop

i see myself doing it now
i didn't before

which makes it all the worse

god HELP me, i'm doing it again

i decide i want to go to the jungle more than anything
i move my stuff into storage,
move in w/ the ex for free rent so i can save $
oh but wait, here's real estate investing,
the logic here is that you can make a yearly salary on a part time basis
that would allow me to go to the jungle AND afford it AND have a basis to make money when i get back
so i throw myself into that, not even noticing that i haven't the faintest interest in real estate
now that i get into that a little, i realize that it is all people skills, of which i have NONE
it's negotiating, relationships, interfacing with strangers, meeting new people, all of which are the things i do the worst at
so then instead of even trying at that, i go willy nilly all over the place, interviewing for peon part time jobs, and scatter myself further all in the name of making this $ for the trip
so i abandon my latest project again
what the fuck is UP with me
and meanwhile, what i REALLY want to do- photography, travel, work with animals, write,
we've neglected and totally abandoned that AGAIN
STILL

jesus, just shoot me now
how 'bout a labotomy!