Running from myself

As i said in the last post, i think my need to figure out 'why' i want to go to south america is based in the fact that part or most of the reason i want to go is that i'm running from something here. not just i want to travel for the sake of travel. but that something is wrong here. like i'm running from something. and i'm tired of running. i just end up re-creating the sitation i was running from. it's getting old, even for someone as dense as me.

so here's me in 'figure out ' mode again. not like this head game ever propells me anywhere new. but the need to figure out is just as strong, even tho i realize on a head level, that analyzing myself to death never gets me anywhere

so let's just humor myself. WHY do i want to go travel to south america

-i'm sick of staring at a box all day / being inside all day
-sick of spending my time with arrogant, incompetent, apathetic people
-sick of everyone's nastiness, impatience and road rage in this city
-sick of spending most of my time on 'have tos'. i have no freedom. it's all obligation
-sick of my cell phone. i feel like everyone wants something from me, and i want to be left alone
-i want to do what i want to do for once
-sick of traffic and waiting on slow people to do everything; fighting for parking at the store, lines at the post office
-sick of people throwing trash on the streets and the blatant disregard for the planet shared by the masses
-sick of how ugly this city is-trash on the streets, wall to wall cement,smog, trafffic, no nature
-sick of this rut and this routine. it's empty
-sick of social situations and the work it takes
-stuff , stuff, stuff. mail, email, cell phone msgs, solicitations. i want to live simply
-sick of struggling to make a living doing jobs i hate
-i want to live off the grid, using natural energy and living off the land, practicing sustainable living
-i want to work with animals
-i want to see every beautiful place on this planet before it is completely destroyed
-i want to hanglide over rio
-i want to do something that matters / make a difference
-i want to work at conserving the rainforest / helping natives preserve it
-i want to be outside everyday
-i want to see stars at night
-i want to see the rainforest, hear the sounds of it at night, feel it under my feet, smell it, taste it
-i want to go so far away that no one can ask anything of me without having to find me first