HOME

i was driving home from a christmas party tonite, and grabbed a cd out of the case. it was alphaville, forever young.
that's an extremely dangerous song to play, but i felt pretty emotionally even- tempered and thought i could handle it without crying. wrong

you see that song brings me back to a magical time- my 8 weeks at Interlochen Arts Camp, 1988
i was "one of the rest of us" for the 1st time in my life. part of a group. one of the campers of cabin 16.
forever young was our cabin song.
and i just realized tonite as i was listening to the lyrics. it says 'forever young, i want to live forever. forever young.'
and how fitting that is, because that song activates the place in my brain where that experience has been captured, picture perfect, for all time. that experience, that time in my life, has been forever preserved in my memory- somewhere in my mind, i will always be that naive 16 year old-experiencing all that for the 1st time. forever young.

that time. that experience.....
it was so pure, so sweet, so full, so happy. i could've lived my whole life in that space.

and it suddenly occured to me,
that was home.
good god, i realized tonite
THAT
WAS
THE
ONLY
PLACE
I HAVE
EVER
FELT
HOME

i remember 1st getting there. the food was dreadful. the uniforms were so dorky. no tv. it was cold at night. it was uncomfortable on many levels. all the comforts of home were gone.
pretty much, at 1st we missed everything about home. all the creature comforts. it was my first experience without tv. with only a 2 shelves and a locker.
and then i remember, by the end, we didn't care about any of those things. our clothes, tv, all the stuff back home- didn't matter one bit. it was the music, the nature, the conversations with each other. we laughed, we cried, we held each other and had philosophical conversations, we grew, we challenged and inspired each other, we strove to be the best. it was life in it's purest form.
interlochen took away all our comforts- those distractions we thought we needed, so we could focus on the art and what was really important. and that became home. and then just as quick, in 8 weeks, they ripped me out of my new life, and dumped me into the nightmare from which i came

i miss it.
it was magical
and now when i hear that song, it brings back the sweetest spot.

i did something tonite after i got home that i've been debating about for a long time.
i found her email address. can't believe i paid $32 and i didn't even get her real email. how ridiculous. sounded like i was gonna get more info, but oh well
i emailed her. told her i still think about her. we'll see.

what's wrong with me anyway?
kinda sad that i miss her friendship when she probly doesn't even remember i exist.
oh well