Tired

I've been a prisoner to wacked out hormones lately. frankly i'm pretty sick of having my moods swing up and down with
a. the weather
b. blood sugar levels
c. hormones
if it's not ibs, it's cramps, or a gloomy sky. feel like a freakin' yoyo. wildly irritable.

and my job. oh god, i just about can't take it anymore.

it's such an easy job. and i really like what i do, BUT the people there are a case study right out of a freudian thesis. jesus, it's like 2nd grade playground shit. no one likes one another and everyone has a high degree of serious emotional problems.

i hate satan SO much. the other day he was referring to me and the other girl in my office as 'fucking bitches', to everyone else. and that apparently was fine with the boss. NOT fine with me, hello? and this was completely unprovoked. i had nothing to do with the situation. we put newspapers over the common window between my office and his, because he stands up and gawks into our office. as if that isn't creepy enough, every night he comes in and cuts the eyes out of one of the pictures covering the window. i walked by the boss' office today and he was complaining about how some part of the paper looked, and he said, 'did she do this page?' (referring to me, of course). so much misdirected rage my way. just because i try to do my job, which i can't do because he is so damned incompetent. his shit is SOOO fucked up. ads that aren't billed going in the paper. ads that are billed left of his runsheet. not to mention that he's sporting a new funk so strong it makes me gag regularly. he's a complete and total waste of oxygen.

everyday i have to let so much go. the boss had someone design new biz cards and bought a machine that cuts them. well, it looks like absolute crap. handcut cards with a really poor design for a 5 yr old established business? it's his company, why should i care? it's so hard to let it go. hard to watch him keep that sorry ass satan around when he's a complete and total fuck-up with serious anger management issues who yells at clients and coworkers alike, storming out of the office when things don't go his way. and it's really hard to accept the fact that the boss only listens to those who have a penis. i really didn't want to believe that one, but it's true. one of the friendly guys joked to me that i should 'look into getting one'. i guess that's what they mean when they say 'the world's not fair', but damned if that sits well with me. it's a horrible feeling to just give up and accept that, but too exhausting to keep fighting it.

i try to think about how miserable satan must be to act so obnoxious, to go out of his way to try to make me look bad. same thing with lucy-fur, who by the way, got her hours cut back for the 2nd time now. (does this tell you something about the boss' lack of backbone)- and another btw - she's such a raging bitch, that today, on her 1st day not here, all the women did a dance of joy all over the office to celebrate the lack of tension in the air from her absence. where does the boss find these horrible creatures?

back to satan- i try to think about how it must be like to be so dyslexic and/or strung out on drugs that you can't keep track of 5 sales a week or spell an address the same way twice. it must feel so out of control to not know what the hell's going on. how self-hating do you have to be to be so pompous and ugly and smelly? but it really doesn't help. he pushes my buttons every time. and i hate hating him, because then i think i must be as miserable a human being as him if i can hate him so much. i wish his badmouthing me didn't anger me. wish i could just not care. wish there wasn't 20 more people like him for every good person in this world. i don't want to be like him in any way, but i know when i hate him venemously, that makes me as bad as him. :(
help!