Pushing Buttons

so i called satan an 'asshole' yesterday. but somehow from the time i left to this morning, it turned into "fucking asshole", and i got 2 admonishing emails from the boss today. nevermind that satan went on an unbridled raging rampage throughout the office 2 weeks ago, calling me a "fucking bitch" to everyone who would listen, even though he was mad at my coworker, and i had nothing to do with the situation.

i feel walked on. and i am sooo upset at the boss for this. one day, satan is going to explode into one of his rages and he's gonna hurt someone. my coworker says this. she's scared of him. so it's not just me. this prick has exploded at customers before.

i hate that he pushes all my buttons. he activates my "it's not fair" defense mechanism. and the "i'm being walked on" deal.
he wins. and i hate that. i hate that he gets to do whatever he wants. not only can he run all his unbilled ads for free, but he can threaten, manipulate, lie, and treat me like shit, and that's apparently some shit that i'm supposed to eat politely with a knife and fork. it's one thing to have to deal with his infantile behavior, it's another to have a boss that allows it. worse yet, plays favorites, admonishing me but not him. that's crap.

last time he went off on someone else he was praised for taking his angry self out of the building, and the coworker he lost it on was asked to apologize to him. the breakthrough here was in realizing that i tend to linger in these situations. i tend to fight crazy. my god, this is what happens when you hang out at the bottom of the fishtank; you end up around all these bottom-feeders. but i've always felt stuck by 'god money'- like i had no choice, i needed a paycheck.

but still, what do i care if he runs all these ads for free. if it makes him feel important to cheat himself out of commission and cheat the company out of money, then hey, knock yourself out. i've got better things to do than be someone's nanny. but i hate 'losing'. i want to be right. stubborn. feel like if i let him do it, then i've lost. it's all a big powerplay game for control. and i hate giving away control. obviously, so does he. wish this was an isolated incident, but sorry to say, these fuckers seem to have my number, so i gotta find a way to not have this crap push my buttons.